Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
this hospital has no fireball
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
