i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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