is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
