I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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