apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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