I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
