Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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