I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
