my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
