This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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