i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
