There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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