she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
