i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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