Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
