I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Shame is for Republicans.
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