You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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