ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
