FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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