the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
