Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize