Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
