Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
