I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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