Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
