Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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