i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
