Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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