Who wears a wallet chain?!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
