I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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