When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
