New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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