i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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