I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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