Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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