Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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