Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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