And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
