ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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