I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
