Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's the barista slut.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
