He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
