I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
