I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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