He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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