I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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