she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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