"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
