'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
