Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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