But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize