I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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