he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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