fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
