wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
