I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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