My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
