look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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