i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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