I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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