I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
