I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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