he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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