You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
