As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i dont even know how to be here
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
