you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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