Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
