Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
