Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
