can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
