You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
