I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
