how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize