Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
