literally had 100 drinks last night.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
