dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
